At 19 years old I moved out of my house and began my 6 year stint as a server and bartender at Shucker’s (long before the deck fell in the water). Like many rebellious teenage types, I was a proud know-it-all. My favorite response when anyone accused me of being a smart-ass was, “better than being a dumb-ass like you.” I was brutal and being placed in gifted classes and told I was a “genius” only fueled my overinflated ego.

And here’s a funny thing about your mind: its primary role is to prove you right, reinforcing existing conscious and subconscious beliefs. Which is where that famous question in the self-help world comes from, “do you want to be right, or be happy?”

20 year-old me would scoff at this and say, “bitch, I am happy because I am right!”

Can you relate?

So when 20 year-old me I began falling for a coworker who checked almost every checkbox for “Mr. Right” that I had written in my journal as a teenager, I made the difficult decision to break it off with my boyfriend at the time. While the boyfriend was a great guy, he was also an aspiring artist who wanted to go to Thailand and help people after the tsunami tragedy, travel the world making documentaries, and showed no signs of a solid plan for financial stability. I was the bread winner seeking stability, he was an adventurer following his passions after dropping out of college.

Mr. Right on the other hand, was the perfect gentleman, always opening doors for me, and even at the dive bars where we would all hang out after work, he would stand up every time any woman got up from our table. He was older and financially stable, and this genius knew he was The One for me. We moved in together almost immediately.

Three years later, I was devastated to realize Mr. Right was not right for me. I was not happy, and no matter how much Mr. Right tried, and he did try, our relationship had grown silent… for him it was the comfortable kind of silence a couple enjoys after being together for so long. For me, it was a deafening silence stemmed from the realization that we had so little in common, and that when I did speak it would often lead to resentment - the #1 killer of ANY relationship.

He thought everything was fine. I felt muffled.

Having intellectually stimulating conversations about philosophy, life, and “crazy” things was not on the checklist in my 13 year-old self’s journal. What else was missing from that list?

My self concept shattered in a way that only happens with the pain of a broken heart.

I was completely wrong about what I knew was right for me. ​
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If I was wrong about this, something I wanted more than anything after growing up in a “broken home,” then what else could I be wrong about?

As I lay in bed my first night after moving out, shivering in the cold because I had not packed up a blanket, I cried and felt like a total idiot for choosing this.

In my moments of doubt, I remembered the only truth I could really anchor myself to: I could not be in a relationship where I felt silenced. Side note for my dear friends in the midst of heartbreak, what’s the anchor to Your Truth? It’s not a thought-based knowing like a cocky 20 something knows. It’s a deep, body-based intuitive knowing that carries you through the pain like the lighthouse in a fog. It’s your compass showing you your true North. Trust that.

Back to 2007.

All my suffering in that moment and the following weeks of heartbreak were all from MY choices. There was no one to blame but myself. Yet somehow, I felt more liberated than ever.

Being a know-it-all can be quite exhausting, and limiting. Not knowing opened me up in a way I had never considered possible.

I felt lighter.

Curious.

For the first time in my life, I was open to new possibilities about what actually did make me happy. Old beliefs about who I thought I was and what I thought I liked slowly started to morph.

I got a group of friends to join me for sunrise yoga - no small feat when you’ve been drinking until sunrise at least once a week for the past 3 years.
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I started dating the yoga teacher and learned about healthy eating and natural products in his shower. He taught me about acupuncture and massage - two professions I had never even considered, not realizing trade schools were an option instead of college.

A year later, a serendipitous encounter with the artist boyfriend rekindled our old flame. But when I wanted to break up with him again 2 years later because I was unhappy, this time I stopped to wonder, “am I really unhappy because of him, or is this my own shit I need to deal with?”

That’s when I started reading books, ironically one from his bookshelf about happiness, and learned happiness is a skill one can develop, not a feeling someone gives you when they do whatever you want.

I started a more intentional journey of self-discovery, and told myself, “if I’m still unhappy in 6 months after committing to this kind of work myself, then I’ll break up with him.”

17 years later, we’re still married and raising our son together.

All because I embraced being wrong instead of insisting I was right. I let my heartbreak break me open so the Universe (God, Creator, or whatever name you like to give to the omnipresent source of all of creation) could show me other possibilities.

Choosing happiness allowed me learn the difference between trusting my intuition versus digging my heels into arrogant certainty. Ultimately, it allowed me to cure my depression, release my addictive patterns, and build a life I never imagined for myself.

What I know today after decades of observation, is that growth is inevitable. You either grow together or you grow apart. For those who think they “can’t change” and they’re always right about everything, the growth is like what happens to a plant that’s outgrown its pot. The roots get all tangled up. The plant struggles to flourish.
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In human terms, this manifests as massive tension. Headaches. Rigidity. Physical, mental, and emotional health issues. Mid-life crisis. That’s the ultimate price of always being right.

Is it really worth it?

What patterns in your life might be stemming from the need to be right? What conscious or subconscious beliefs are blocking you from finding true happiness?

Journal it out and/or click reply to share with me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and, hopefully, have a good laugh together.

Love & Light,

Priscilla